At 15 I was pregnant, alone and scared. I felt like it was the end of my life and in a way, it was the end of life as I knew it. But God knew the big picture. He knew how He would use my experience to draw me to Him.
While I have always suspected that God would use me to reach other people, I never really knew how. I mean, I’m not the only woman out there to have this experience, right? But what I’ve found is that birth mothering is a deep, dark secret that many take to the grave.
I remember early on in our marriage asking my husband’s permission to share my story in public. His response? ‘You can’t not share. This is what God has done in your life.’ From that point on I have shared my story publicly, privately and everywhere in between to anyone who will listen.
The way my birth daughter, Katie, and I reconnected still puzzles me at times, but I believe it was God’s timing. So funny how His timing is never the same as ours! She had apparently been searching for me for some time when I ‘happened’ to join a chat board. The moderator knew me and almost immediately private messaged me to tell me the news.
At first, we wrote letters via snail mail. Email was just too fast! But eventually we moved to email and then phone calls. We had lots to talk about and catch up on.
When we finally met in person, it was completely surreal. We look so much alike it’s undeniable that we’re related. But sometimes timing changes, and we are once again disconnected. I am blessed to have had the opportunity to see her again this side of death. Maybe one day the time will be right to have a relationship again.
No part of my journey would have been possible without a relationship with Jesus Christ. Oh trust me, I have made plenty of mistakes and done things that I would never want anyone else to know about. But the Bible says that ‘if the Son shall set you free, you shall be free indeed.’ I’m here to tell you that I am free.